Thoughts on Love and Acceptance

This morning I watched “For the Bible Tells Me So”.  It is a documentary about evangelical Christians and Homosexuality.  I was so moved by the stories and the situations that I began taking notes.  I had so many things I wanted to say, things I wanted to tell people, things it would do no good to talk about with people around here.

The entire time I was watching this doc I felt compelled to ask, “Do you love your neighbor as God loves you?” Do you love your child no matter what?  Do you love him when he sins or do you choose to shun him?  The people in this film were very religious and when they found out that their children were homosexual they had varying reactions.  Some tried to reform their children, turn them strait.  Some cut off all contact with their children.  Others began to read and educate themselves on homosexuality.  This got me thinking about how my husband’s family and the friends of his family view his bi-polar disorder.

These parents of homosexuals, who were convinced that homosexuality is an abomination (we won’t get into the meaning of that word right now) educated themselves about their children’s “condition”.  These parents knew chapter and verse that stated that their children were sinners.  They went out and talked to people.  They read books and discussed the topic with their children.  My husband, whose condition is not specifically mentioned in the Bible, presented his parents with a 200 pg book written by a comedian about bipolar.  His mother returned it stating she “just couldn’t get through it”.  When she returned this book, she gave my husband a 700 page compilation of notes for a lecture series and requested that he read it.  Are you joking?  She can’t make it through a 200 page book about a condition that  affects his every moment (it’s divided into chapters according to how bipolar affects your life, so you don’t even have to read the whole damn thing) and expects her son to read a compilation of notes about Christ?  The man has had 20 years of Bible school.  Don’t play Bible trivia with him…you will lose.  His family believes that this disorder is a result of sin in his life…let’s not forget that God has said he will punish the third and fourth generations.  Look back at your ancestors…maybe this disorder is a result of their sin.  Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

My mother-in-law recently invited me to join a Friday morning Bible study.  She told me about all of the ladies that usually attend.  While they are all very nice people, they are a generation older than me and Baptist.  I happen to be a happy Methodist.  While this may not seem like a big deal to most people, I have found that my views on the Bible and their views on the Bible are quite different.  I declined the invitation stating that I need to work as much as possible right now.  That is the truth, I do need to work as much as possible right now, but I also felt like I would not grow spiritually from conversations with these particular people.  I feel the need to keep my mouth shut around them because they are my parent’s age and I don’t want to disrespect.  Also, I know that my views differ greatly from theirs, and in my past experience they are not open to opposing ideas.

The study on which they ar embarking asks have you ever felt “Unnoticed, unappreciated, ignored, under-valued, over-looked, invisible. What does God say about the forgotten in His Word? [The author] reminds us that God notices our worth and cares for us at all times and in all seasons.”  After reading that I watched the promotional video clip from the author.  She spoke of feeling left-out and like her opinion didn’t matter.  Are you kidding me?  If I went to a Bible study on this topic with this particular group of people I would explode!  These are the people who cause so many others to feel left out.  They refuse to listen to differing points of view.  They are the people who HATE and SHUN those they do not deem “righteous”.  They often forget that “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Romans 3:23

thoughts on life with a bipolar spouse

Today I will be writing about what I really want to say to my husband’s family.  Lucky blog readers…oh wait!  Nobody reads my blog.

So it has been a rough couple of weeks around here.  My DH, who is bi-polar, has not had a weekend.  Due to inventory he worked 8 hours on Saturday and Sunday this week.  That is enough to put anybody over the edge.  Now lets add a couple of other factors here.

1)  His wife isn’t working right now.  You see, I quit my job as an elementary school teacher to spend more time with my passion, dance.  DH’s new job theoretically makes up for the monetary difference.  They paid out the rest of my contact at the end of June and we used it to catch up on bills and get out of debt.  It didn’t actually get us out of debt, but we closed two credit cards and caught up on all kinds of other stuff.  Trouble is…I won’t make any more money until the end of this month and his next paycheck isn’t enough to cover his upcoming doctor bills, medication, and blood work while keeping the lights on and the water running.

2)  He hates his job.  He works 40 minutes away as a store manager in the construction industry.  His father is supposed to be the general manager and the outside sales guy.  Trouble is, he thinks he needs to micro-manage.  Now tell me…how is a guy supposed to keep his thumb on everybody in the store if he’s also supposed to be out drumming up business?  We’ve yet to figure this out.  It frustrates my DH to no end.  He feels like everything he does is second guessed.

3)  Now the car has broken down.  What is wrong with it?  I don’t know.  I called a mechanic yesterday when it happened because I wanted to help and contribute in some way.  Wrong idea!  Why would you call a mechanic if we don’t have money to fix it?  Well I thought we could at least find out what was wrong and then figure out a plan as to how to fix it ourselves or we would just have to wait until we got the money to have it fixed.  Instead, he goes to his parents, I guess.  I, on the other hand, got so pissed off at myself that I ran about four miles until it started to rain.  I cannot walk today.

4)  He doesn’t speak to his sister.  (Long story), but he has a niece that means the world to him.  He never gets to see her because they haven’t spoken since October of last year.  He goes to work and his dad says, “I really wish you’d call your sister.  She said it doesn’t matter that DH is mad at her, but the niece just doesn’t understand.”  I want to tell her…call him your fucking self!  If it means that much to you, don’t bug your parents about it go directly to the source.  Swallow your fucking pride and accept that the apology you offered was insincere and forced upon you by your parents at the holiday season.  I can’t say any of this, though, because I feel like it was my involvement that drove the argument last October to severing their relationship in the first place.

5)  His dad gave him an article about a football player who has Borderline Personality Disorder.  NOT THE SAME AS BI-POLAR!!!!  This guy make s millions of dollars a year and was able to get help from the Harvard Medical school, treatment that costs $60,000!  For a guy with no medical insurance and an hourly job, that’s not fucking possible.    Then his dad tells him, yet again, you should get off those meds.  Good God!  Please don’t take my husband off his meds.  That could really cause another suicide attempt.  BTW…DAD…did you even read the article yourself?  These are parents who don’t even believe in mental disorders…THEY THINK YOU AREN’T RIGHT WITH GOD.

I know that the majority of the problem is with the bipolar and the money issues.  The fact that life sucks isn’t something I can change.  That is frustrating.  I can’t change it.  I can’t make it better for him.  I’m hopeless.